The Grief Who Steals Christmas
It began around Thanksgiving. Actually, who am I kidding? It began just after Halloween. Commercials for Holiday sales, coffee cups suddenly red with reindeer and snowflake patterns, Wham’s “Last Christmas” on seemingly endless loop at the mall. It’s the time of year where it seems like Merry and Bright isn’t an option, it’s a demand. I had been in a state of shock since I had lost one of my best friends the previous spring. One day, he was there, and the next day he was gone, killed in a motorcycle accident. He was 27, a wickedly hilarious and genuinely good person with a bright future. Gone. Forever. We had a Christmas Eve tradition, a group of friends who spent the holiday laughing, eating, playing board games and telling stories. It was my favorite night of the year. Now, I dreaded it. There was a giant hole in my life, and I didn’t know how to get through the holidays without him.
I wish someone had told me that first Christmas without him what I have learned in the six Christmases that have passed since. If you are grieving during the holidays, don’t try to pretend you are not. Some find that externalizing their grief allows them to cope: setting aside a chair at the table, or placing a photograph to acknowledge who is missing. Some find it best to simply allow the holidays to pass without acknowledging the Holidays as you had before, and that is also completely O.K. What isn’t O.K. is pretending things are the way they used to be. Cry as much as you need. Be as present or as absent as your heart will allow. Remember your loved ones during the holidays how YOU want, and above all, be gentle with yourself.
