Let’s Hold Hands and Punch the Glass Ceiling
Seventh grade is the grade I despised more than any others. It was the grade of social anxiety and acne and identity crises. The grade of chopped hair and a metal mouth. The grade where hormones kicked it into high gear, and so did the hierarchy of middle school.
It was survival of the fittest in seventh grade. All of a sudden, people were grouping up and separating, a status quo developing rapidly. The cool girls with their highlighted hair, their confidence, their pretty, lacy bras in P.E. while I wore pathetic sports bras that were more for show than support.
Somehow, in this “divide and conquer” hierarchy that developed silently and quickly in middle school, the rules changed. Friendship changed. How girls treated each other, in particular, changed. Friendship no longer meant “one for all, all for one” like it did back in elementary school. It meant “I’m looking out for me.” Gossip. Backstabbing. “You invited her, but you didn’t invite me” complaints. Talking behind each other’s backs. With friends like these, why have enemies?
As each of us nursed our wounds from the proverbial knives we constantly put in each other’s back, a new normal was formed. We built walls. We became competitive with each other, yet insecure with ourselves. The insecurity fed the hungry monsters of gossip and comparison and jealousy.
But after years of weaving around each other and this hierarchy we created in school hallways, we eventually grow up. Get jobs. Enter the workforce. We wear heels and we have kids and we work hard to be the women we always wanted to be.
Even as adult women, the rules and hierarchy that we silently created in middle and high school — that society created for us — doesn’t go away. Gossip and slight mistrust. Women vs. Women. We can’t help it — it’s what we learned. It’s what we know. Society strengthens the behavior. Magazine headlines read, “Who wore it better?” Websites gossip about female celebrities “stealing” another’s husband or speculate who lost the baby weight faster. We follow suit with ideas of “she stole my man, I need to look prettier in this selfie, or this lifestyle, or with these things.” Just like in middle school, we hold these insecurities within ourselves based on society and life, and we take it out on each other.
Mean girls are a part of growing up, and they often can be a part of being a grown up.
But that doesn’t mean it has to be.
It’s important to realize that we are all in this together. According to an October 2014 U.S. News & World Report, women are more likely to graduate college in today’s society. The report states women make up nearly half of the country’s workforce, yet women who work full-time make 78% of what men make, even when we have similar levels of education.
Though we are making strides, women still have barriers to break and new normals to create for our advancement overall. If we are fighting these barriers as a group collectively, why would we fight each other and not celebrate women’s success? The success of women as a group means success for women individually. If we can raise the bar for everyone now, we are helping the women of the future.
It starts with taking back the conversation. Let’s direct society’s focus on the amazing things women are doing to support each other rather than tear down one another.
When I went to college, I took a Gender Communication class devoted to discussing the differences between men and women’s communication styles. The class learned a communication studies theory called Genderlect Theory by Deborah Tannen. Tannen found through her studies that while men generally connect by doing things, women often connect by talking.
What if we talked to one another instead of talking about one another?
We are all dealing with societal pressures, internal pressures, pressure from work and home and kids and life. And when you feel like you’re drowning from all of the pressure and the expectations to be everything to everyone, can you imagine how refreshing it would feel if another woman would say to you, “Hey, I hear you. I am going through this, too. I’ve been through that, I can help.”
Mentoring is one way for us to connect. Women, as a whole, generally are juggling a lot — trying to be perfect, do everything. Connection and talking to others is a way to help each other and to help the other not feel alone. To provide direction. A listening ear.
So how do we start that mentorship relationship? The first step could be a simple question. A question that goes back to our elementary school days, before the cliques formed and the popular girls were created and lines were drawn in the sand. Want to sit and eat lunch with me? Want to grab a cup of coffee? Just through one hour of sitting and talking about where the other is at, what they’ve learned, share advice, and catch up can foster the growth of a relationship and increase self-confidence in both women.
We need to lift each other up, not drag each other down. We need to celebrate each other’s successes and share each other’s pain. We need to take one giant, collective fist to the glass ceiling. We can get there if we help each other through support, shared knowledge, mentorship, and love. Connect, not separate.
We are women. We are not a group to bend and break and twist and turn. We are a force to be reckoned with.
Featured Art: Nanna Boegekaer
