Meet Smartie Sam Escobar: Beacon of Body Positivity and Gender Inclusivity
Part of evolving and growing includes always being willing to learn. And in order to learn, it’s important to listen. Which is why we reached out to Sam Escobar, the beauty editor at Good Housekeeping to chat about body positivity, creating and respecting inclusivity, and what it means to come out as genderqueer. Sam was kind enough to explain how someone might feel when identifying as non-binary (NB) and how they can navigate that world as well as why it can be important to generate positivity on the internet.
Smart Girls: You recently came out as non-binary/genderqueer in some very eloquent essays, why was it important that you tell your story?
Sam Escobar: Part of the reason I wanted to speak about being non-binary is that I wanted to start being more comfortable with acknowledging it myself. I’ve known for years — and even before that, there were so many small indications — but it wasn’t until late 2015 that I was very open about it.
Another reason is that the sites that I’ve primarily written about my identity for (Femsplain and Esquire) had very supportive editors that wanted to help me tell my story in a way that didn’t feel sensational, which makes me feel much more inclined to be open. And being out and supported by my friends, as well as the people I directly work with at [Good Housekeeping], has made openly writing a lot easier.
SG: What do you think are some of the most common misconceptions of those who identify as non-binary?
SE: One of the biggest ones is that all NB people look androgynous, but androgyny is a matter of presentation rather than identity. I, for example, have a relatively curvy figure and am read by most people as feminine. I used to conflate my presentation and lack of androgyny with being not “non-binary enough,” if that makes sense, but in reality, there are so many non-binary folks who present in traditionally feminine or masculine ways.
I love being a beauty editor, I love wearing makeup and playing with my hair, and that doesn’t negate my identity. At least for now, I will probably continue presenting this way, though that may change in the future. That said, this is one of the big reasons I experience considerable privilege — I am a white-passing Latinx who most people perceive as a cisgender female — so I’m aware of that, too.
SG: What would you want someone who might be struggling with gender identity to know?
SE: Use the internet as a resource as much as you possibly can. When I was in late college and trying to figure out my identity, I had never heard the word “genderqueer” or “non-binary” before until I started reading message boards where people discussed feelings I’d experienced for a long time, but hadn’t known how to voice. And now, because of Twitter and other social media, I’ve been able to connect with other non-binary people both online and in person, which has been so, so helpful.
Also, understand that your journey, identity and presentation don’t have to align with anyone else’s expectations. You are an individual, and while connecting with others is an amazing way to feel less alone if you’ve been struggling, your experience is your own. That sounds very cheesy, reading it back to myself, but it’s true.
SG: What is the significance of pronouns people use when addressing others and which ones do you prefer?
SE: I prefer they and them. In the same way I’ve never felt like “Samantha” fit me, I’ve felt a little weird about “she,” so to some extent, it just feels like I’m being called by the wrong name when someone uses feminine pronouns. Outside of work, my friend group and Twitter, though, it happens almost every day, so I’m used to it even though I don’t particularly like it.
It’s so important to respect people’s pronouns — when someone deliberately refuses to, they are essentially invalidating that person’s identity. And on that note, it’s also significant to remember that some people do change their pronouns. Anecdotally, I know several people who have switched between pronouns more than once, and that is completely valid and worthy of respect; it doesn’t mean they’re being fickle or demanding.
SG: You’re into promoting a body positive attitude for all genders, you had a thread go viral recently where you asked on Twitter for selfies and for people to state their weight, what sparked that?
SE: Originally, my friend Angela had [her weight] in her bio like 9 months ago and when I first saw she had done it, I was like, “Oh wow, that’s amazing,” and contemplating about why I had often been so averse to telling people my real weight.
So I just put it in, too, as well as in my Tinder bio, and the number raised a few times over those months. I kept updating it because I realized that for me, part of coping with having had an eating disorder for so long is not letting the number on the scale dictate my life. I realize this isn’t the right move for everyone, but it has definitely helped me feel less controlled by my fear of gaining weight.
SG: What did you hope to accomplish with thread and how do you feel about the overwhelmingly positive response?
SE: I had been asked a few times why it was in my bio, so I decided to explain in a little Twitter thread. Once in a while, I ask my followers to send their favorite selfies which is always fun, so I did that at the end, as well. I had no idea how big the response would be. I was overwhelmed by how amazing and kind and open so many people were. And it was especially wonderful to see how many people were responding to one another’s selfies, too. I know people roll their eyes at positivity on the internet, particularly on Twitter, but honestly, there are few things more wonderful than seeing people feel good about themselves.
SG: What advice would you give 12 year old Sam?
SE: It’s okay to care about what other people think about you, but it’s important to think about whether or not their opinion [is] worthy of your time and effort. If someone calls you ugly, think about why this is not a valid cause to spend energy on rather than internalizing it. If someone says you’re being insensitive, think about why they feel that way because, hey, maybe they’re right and their feelings are well founded. Also, please don’t quit playing piano. You were pretty good at it.
Photo furnished by Sam Escobar
Photo cred Kat Wirsing
